Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
