Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
