A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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