Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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