How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
