No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
