why didn't you poke me back
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
