I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I cut my penus on the lid.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
