Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
