it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize