Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
