maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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