I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
