Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
