I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
