i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
