I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I would ride that face into the sunset
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
