I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the condom got lost in my hair
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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