Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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