Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
