i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
