Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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