I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
