I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i wish my penis had a tongue
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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