I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
