He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
