Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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