I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
