if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
