this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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