she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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