I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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