Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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