i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
