im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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