I want to walk on stilts...naked
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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