I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize