I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
