In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
