I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
