Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
