my vag is so smooth its legendary
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize