I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
