Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize