I just saw a hot homeless man
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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