Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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