Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
