The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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