dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize