I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
