they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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