Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
