i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize