I wish I only lived at night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
