wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
