we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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