Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
