I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
