I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
