dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
