I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
