tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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