so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
