After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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