shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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