white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
