i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize