Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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