I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Im part way to drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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