a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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