Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
