Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
