i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
