I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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