haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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