break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
