You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
