He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
