Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize