I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
