her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
