hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize