He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
