The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
