There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
