First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
