So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
