i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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