I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
