i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
