so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
