you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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