You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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