I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
