Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
