Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize