Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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