You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
